


too late to say goodbye

by starstrucktooru



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, andrew's in a pro team, neil's in his final year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 03:38:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18513136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starstrucktooru/pseuds/starstrucktooru
Summary: "Neil breathed out a laugh and stood in front of Andrew, soaking him in. Perhaps this was just his tired brain trying to pull him out of the misery ditch, but  Neil knew it wouldn’t be unlike Andrew to drop everything he was doing and come back for Neil. Like that first time on the interstate all those years ago. The effects of Andrew’s presence was instant - his shoulders unstiffened and his mind felt lighter than it had in months, but still, there was something pulling at his heartstrings that wouldn’t let him rest."based on the prompt "i think i'm in love with you and it terrifies me"





	too late to say goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> three days in a row!! mark this date bc it'll probably never happen again  
> i know this is a sensitive topic and while i was writing it i tried to imagine them as vividly as possible, so i hope it's not too ooc. if it is, well, let's all pretend this never happened lol. if you have any comments or constructive criticisms let me know and i'll try to do better next time! i hope you'll enjoy this :)
> 
> the title is from the song "too late to say goodbye" by cage the elephant. i think it's the most andreil song i've ever heard tbh and i recommend you all to listen to it

The first couple of days, the loneliness was there, not yet tangible, but Neil managed to shove it to the back of his mind. It felt like another one of Andrew’s bad days when his skin was crawling with the phantom touches haunting him in his nightmares, and when the only company he sought after were solitude and his knives.

Being separated for a couple of days but anticipating Andrew’s return knowing he’d be back soon was one thing. But Andrew being in a different city, miles and hours away from Neil, never knowing when his schedule would allow him even a day to visit was another, and the agitation gnawed on Neil’s thoughts and followed him like a shadow.

Many a time would he enter their bedroom with his phone in hand, wanting to show Andrew some new cat videos he knew Andrew liked, or yell for Andrew at practice to send him the ball. But the ball never came. At nights when he was struggling for breath, his arms trembling with the memory of Lola’s blade against them and fiery red flashing behind his eyelids, he’d seek after the safety that was Andrew’s hand steadily gripping the back of his neck, only for the cold and empty side of the bed where Andrew used to sleep once again to punch the air from his lungs, and he would often leave the bed to try to outrun his thoughts.

After spending years with only his mother at his back he was familiar and used to loneliness, but the years with the Foxes lulled him into the comfort of friendship and intimacy. He’d had years to prepare, with girls leaving first and Kevin and Matt following along, but he still didn’t think it’d feel this bitter. Sure, Robin was a good company, but she and the rest weren’t the original Foxes, they weren’t the ones who made Neil real and helped pick up his broken pieces back in Baltimore.

He wasn’t truly lonely, but with everyone gone, with the rowdy and undisciplined freshmen, and Jack and Sheena being pains in the ass more than usual, his already fraying patience seemed to hold on a single thin thread, and scathing remarks often turned to venom spitting from his tongue.

The practices seemed to go on forever and Neil was practically buzzing with the need to leave, get away and run his intrusive thoughts down on his way to the dorm and up to the roof. Only when he heard Andrew’s voice on the other side of the line would the gnawing stop and hurry away to the corner of Neil’s mind, and Neil could feel his body release all its pent up stress. They weren’t the ones for small talk, but the distance didn’t offer much but deep longing which spilt in his heart like ink, spreading through his veins and making his nerve ends tingle. He longed for Andrew’s presence, for the steady grip on the back of his neck and lips pressed gently against his knuckles, for the smoke tanged kisses and Andrew’s hands slowly taking him apart, but the description of Andrew’s days was the closest visualization he had.

Neil’s day was ruined, and it wasn’t even 2 P.M. The practice was terrible and they had only a few weeks until the championship, not to mention the pressure weighing like stone on his shoulders whenever he remembered he had to impress the scouting agents as to not bring Ichirou’s wrath on himself or the people he cared for. He had a pop quiz he didn’t study for and like a cherry on top it had started raining on his way back from the classes. Stone and water were ever a good match.

He trudged to Fox Tower, right foot, left foot, and right again, running on autopilot and counting the days until the championship in his head. His first championship without Andrew to close down the goal, no need for trades anymore because Andrew would give him anything he wanted anyways

When he finally got to his room, he threw his backpack in the general direction of the couch and made his way to the sink to get a glass of water. On the counter was a six pack of beers. One can was missing, and another stood open. Neil thought that the rest of the Foxes, the ones that had the key to the room, had classes and that they had drunk everything they had on their last party, but it was possible that they rushed in for a moment and left it there. Well, their fucking bad. Neil had a shitty day and it was his beer now.

He took the open can and made his way to the bedroom. He was lost in his thoughts; of possible academic probation because of his lousy grades, of Ichirou’s threats, of snapping Jack’s neck in half, but he only noticed it halfway to his bed. Or him. Andrew. On Neil’s bed. Neil started and quickly put aside the can so he wouldn’t spill it. It took him three times to find his voice, and even then it was much more breathless than Neil would’ve liked it.

“Andrew? What are you doing here?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Andrew replied, unbothered, taking a sip from his can.

“But- What about your schedule? Don’t you have to practice? The championship is-”

“Look me in the eyes and ask me again if I care about the championship. You’re the junkie here, not me.”

Neil breathed out a laugh and stood in front of Andrew, soaking him in. Perhaps this was just his tired brain trying to pull him out of the misery ditch, but  Neil knew it wouldn’t be unlike Andrew to drop everything he was doing and come back for Neil. Like that first time on the interstate all those years ago. The effects of Andrew’s presence was instant - his shoulders unstiffened and his mind felt lighter than it had in months, but still, there was something pulling at his heartstrings that wouldn’t let him rest.

Andrew was sitting so that there was exactly enough space for Neil to sit down next to him, so he did.

“Yes or no?”

“You’re dripping wet.”

Neil quickly took off his sweatshirt and flung it away from the bed. Just to spite him, Andrew took the blanket and dried Neil’s hair a bit, making it go in all directions., and Neil didn’t miss the quick once over Andrew gave him, before raising his eyes to meet Neil’s own.

“Yes.”

Andrew leaned forward, expecting a kiss, but showed no surprise when Neil took his hand in his own, tightly squeezing their intertwined fingers, and gently pressed their foreheads together.

Andrew noticed the furrow between Neil’s brows and squeezed his hand back.

“Talk.”

“About what?”

“Your head, Josten. Something’s obviously messing with it.”

Of course Andrew would notice, but Neil had hoped he’d have a bit more time trying to connect his thoughts together into one he could explain without sounding clumsy. He just buried his head in Andrew’s neck and muttered something unintelligible, clumsy be damned. Andrew squeezed his fingers again, prompting him to elaborate.

Neil took a big sigh and nuzzled Andrew’s neck before answering. “I said that you’re messing with it.”

“Last time I checked I hit you in the stomach, not your head”, Andrew said, even though he brushed his nose softly against Neil’s cheek.

Suddenly, Neil brought his head up and the look he gave Andrew was troubled and intense. His palms were clammy and he felt blood rushing in his ears, but he managed to keep his voice steady.

“I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified. I’m terrified because all my life it’s been hit and run. All my life I’ve had to push people away. I wasn’t allowed to have feelings like that for other people. And this”, he paused for emphasis, “is the first real something I’ve ever had. I’m terrified I’ll run away and ruin it, I’m terrified that Ichirou might do something to you because of me. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

Neil expected silence, expected Andrew to retreat his hand from Neil’s and turn away, and was ready to give him space, but Andrew didn’t even hesitate.

“If you were going to run away you would have done it years ago when the entire world was on your heels. You are not the rabbit you used to be. You buried Nathaniel back in Baltimore, remember? And Ichirou can’t do anything to hurt me exactly because of you. He knows you would present a bigger problem if he killed me off, and he needs you for the money. And what if he tries? What can he do? Send his henchmen? I still have my knives. Let him try.”

He put the hand not holding Neil’s on the back of Neil’s neck and brought their foreheads together again. “You’re my personal problem, remember. I wouldn't wish you on anyone else but a mortician.”

Neil let out a laugh at that and the ink retreated back, back, back where it would sit and wait, locked deep inside Neil’s heart. It wouldn’t really go away, couldn’t as long as Ichirou’s shadow loomed over him, but he pressed his lips against Andrew’s for the first time in months and the tugging at his heartstrings stopped. That was what mattered. They mattered. That Andrew was here, pressing bruising kisses to Neil’s lips and grounding him back to the present.

Death, like Ichirou’s threats, was the truth, but so was sunrise, a constant, like new beginnings and new moments with Andrew, and they would get through them together.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! don't forget to leave kudos and comments if you liked it! and come talk to me at minyardxva.tumblr.com or @minyardxva on twitter! <3


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